i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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