Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
