you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
