I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Randomize
