scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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