Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
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