Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
