That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
