I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
