remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
