He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Come on in and take your pants off
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