She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I love you. Go after that dick
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
