you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
