SEEEEXXX PLEASE
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
