I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
