i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
