Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
