Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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