I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
