i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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