Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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