i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
