if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
