Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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