a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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