Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
