Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
