I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
