She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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