Don't make out with my wife yet
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
