Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
