Screwed.edu
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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