Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Randomize
