Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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