Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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