his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
