my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
