Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
