is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
