We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
