He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
