You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
