Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize