Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
whose ass print is on the piano?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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