Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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