so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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