please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
