I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
