My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
