If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
