have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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