1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
